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Best short joke :)
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May 7, 2012 11:42 am
156 Views
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This was posted earlier.........but sharing it again for a good laugh 
THIS WAS VOTED THE BEST SHORT JOKE
For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said 'Son we'd give you one but the mortgage on this house is £280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.'
The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase.
So he asked 'Son where are you going?'
Little Joseph told him; 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if
I'm staying here by myself with a £280,000 mortgage and no bloody bike!
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3
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Names
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May 2, 2012 11:49 am
257 Views
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A Red Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look. "Mom, why is my bigger brother named Thunderstorm?"
She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."
Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?"
She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."
"And why is my other sister called Moonchild?"
"Because we were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."
Thoughtfully, Mother paused and asked her son, "Tell me, Broken
Rubber, why are you so curious?"
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7
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Happiness :)
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Mar 15, 2012 11:12 am
659 Views
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A FRENCH CANADIAN LOVE STORY
AT A DINNER PARTY THROWN IN JEAN CHRETIEN'S HONOUR,
A MAN TURNED TO MADAME CHRETIEN AND SAID, " YOUR HUSBAND HAS BEEN SUCH A BUSY PROMINENT PUBLIC FIGURE WITH SUCH A HECTIC SCHEDULE, RETIREMENT WILL SEEM VERY QUIET IN COMPARISON. MADAME CHRETIEN , WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO IN THESE RETIREMENT YEARS ?"
"A PEN!S", REPLIED MADAME CHRETIEN.
A HUSH FELL OVER THE TABLE. EVERYONE HEARD HER ANSWER YET NO ONE KNEW WHAT TO SAY NEXT.
JEAN LEANED OVER TO HIS WIFE AND SAID, "ALINE, IN HINGLISH DEY PRONOUNCE DAT WORD, APPINESS."
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Blonde in a plane
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Mar 5, 2012 8:40 am
793 Views
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This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.
He has a heart attack and dies.
She frantically calls a "May Day ! "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"
All of a sudden, she hears a voice over the radio saying: "The is the tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."
She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."
"O.K." says the voice from the tower................
"Repeat after me: Our Father, who art in Heaven. . . .."
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3
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Mourner :)
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Mar 5, 2012 7:14 am
749 Views
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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed
mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept
repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to
intrude on your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply?
A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied,
"My wife's first husband."
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1
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Engineering student
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Mar 2, 2012 7:46 am
801 Views
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A sad love story of an Engineering student.
Is it twenty five years back ????
But she was very furious and refused and threatened to him that she'd complain to the Principal if he ever bothered her again.
Days, Months passed by ........
One day the girl borrowed a book from the Guy and wrote a message "I love you too, I'm sorry to hurt you the other day. if you've forgiven me, please come and talk to me and never leave me."
But the guy never talked to her......
Days, Months and 4 yrs went away and nothing happened......
Moral of the story:
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Engineering boys never open their books !!!!!!!!!!!!!
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4
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Professional ways
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Mar 1, 2012 9:40 am
806 Views
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Professional Ways of Doing It.,
Accountants do it with Double Entry
Acupuncturists do it with a small prick
Ambulance drivers come quicker
Australians do it Down Under
Bankers do it with interest (don't do it with bankers, most of them are Tellers)
Bartenders do it on the Rock
Chess players check their Mates
Cops do it with cuffs
Computer Technicians do it with hard drives
DJs do it on request
Deep-sea divers do it under extreme pressure
Dentist do it orally
Detectives do it under cover
Engineers do it to specification
Firemen do it with a big hose
Frank Sinatra does it his way
Garbage men cum twice a week
Gardeners do it in the bushes
Gas attendants pump all day
Housewives do it for an allowance
IT programmers : the older ones use floppies, the others use software
Jockeys gallop hard and finish fast
Landlords do it every 1st of the month
Mountain Climbers like to be on top
Pianists touch, tickle, and titillate!
Pizza delivery men come in 30 minutes or it's free
Truckers do it in the road
Travel Agents do it in lots of different places
Waiters and waitresses do it for tips
Watch out for tennis players -they love to smash it in
Those bloody Politicians, all they do is talk about it......
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3
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Astro Kissing
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Feb 29, 2012 10:27 am
825 Views
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Astro Kissing
Aries
Aries, your kisses are quick and passionate; fits of lustful pleasure that are there and then gone!
Taurus
Taureans, your kisses linger; they are deliberate, heartfelt and they can go on and on and on!
Gemini
Gemini, your kisses are interrupted by spasms of giggles, smiles and funny anecdotes!
Cancer
Cancer, your kisses are warm and tender, and you never want to let them go!
Leo
Leo, your kisses are wild and uninhibited, biting and clawing; you expect applause for your performance!
Virgo
Virgo, your kisses are so subtle and tidy, your lover only notices them once you've finished!
Libra
Libra, you kiss with an ardent passion and then like to linger for a while and begin again!
Scorpio
Scorpio, you are so passionate, you skip the kiss and get to straight… whatever comes next for you!
Sagittarius
Sagittarius, your kisses are surprising, spontaneous affairs that leave the kissed wanting more!
Capricorn
Capricorn, your kisses are intense moments of sublime pleasure that is slow and lasting!
Aquarius
Aquarius, your kisses tend to be wet and messy; till you perfect them; and then no one can French kiss like you!
Pisces
Pisces, your kisses are starry-eyed, amorous and long-lasting. You end one kiss, only to start on another!
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3
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Pilots
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Feb 29, 2012 8:46 am
775 Views
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During a commercial airline flight a retired Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.
When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began breast feeding the infant as discreetly as possible.
The Pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!"
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.
The ex-Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed: "hmmm...and all these years......we've been chewing gum"
 
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How many times ?
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Feb 25, 2012 10:24 am
893 Views
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In a party a General proudly said that he did "it" 10 times with his
wife on his wedding night
Brigadier next to him said he did it 6 times before going to sleep 1st night
Colonel claimed he did it 4 times on his first night
All turned towards a young Captain and asked how many times did he do on his wedding night
Captain replied: Only once sir
General laughed n asked WHY??
Captain replied: My wife wasn't used to it Sir!!!!
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4
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